The Hate U Give…
We hold these things inside.
The accumulation of slights and sins for hates and actions that wear away our humanity…
We don’t serve ‘Indians’ - GET OUT!
My girlfriend damn near jumped over the turnstile, and as she lifted off her heels, ready to lunge at the cashier, as I held her back by the arms.
It’s ok Uri. Let’s just go.
The ugliness of the cashier’s menacing smirk shocked my system like static electricity, as I forced myself to turn my head to face the exit,
With each step forward, I coaxed my pride to draw up the sides of my shoulders and my head toward the desert sky, just beyond the sliding glass doors of the Safeway exit.
I had never experienced that kind of hate before.. Ok, that’s a lie.
You fucking spics ruin Everything!
The car sped past me and Krita, walkin on the side of the road, on our way to the bus stop, just outside our dorms in Easton Pennsylvania.
As the douche yelled this at me, from the passenger side window, he chucked some garbage in my direction. Thankfully, the laws of physics prevailed and it missed my legs.
So, what are you? Hawaiian? Egyptian? (looking me up and down again, lingering a few seconds on my hips, as he cocked his head sideways, squinting his right eye before adding) Phillipino??
Like discolored food that has lost its shape, with foul odors threatening to bring up lunch, the man stared me up and down, demanding I finally divulge what type of offensive ‘thing’ I am, so that he could go about his day.
I knew I did not have the liberty to tell him exactly what I thought of his aggression and demands. I was stocking shelves, when he had rudely pushed me over to get at the holiday candy in front of me, featured in Trader Joe’s latest newsletter. He had pushed me so hard, I lost my balance, and caught myself as my knees pounded the floor of the frozen/candy aisle, forcing tears to my eyes from the sting. I quickly swallowed my feelings, and as I found my way to my feet, he had made his demand..
I’m human, Sir. Now, will you excuse me.
I turned my back and left without another word, and without retrieving the cart stacked with truffle boxes and other frozen items, so that I had a chance to reach the bathroom in time, to cry, and to collect myself, before rejoining the world.
It was humiliating, and confusing.
From the time I could stand, friends of my adopted white family, school mates, and strangers with hate in their hearts, seemed to relish any opportunity to tell me what I am, to them.
Before I had a chance to meet the girl in the mirror, with brown skin, black hair, and native chiseled features, they wanted to teach me to be ashamed. Ashamed of what I looked like and where I came from, before even asking who I am, to me.
Even now, as a grown, confident, brown woman, I still get the occasional look of surprise that often accompanied the “You speak English so well!” comment I grew up hearing.
Hate looks the same no matter the context.
It contorts the face. It shrinks the soul.
We do not enter the world hating. The world around us plants the seeds. Paves the way for THUG LIFE:
“The Hate U Give Little Infants Fuck Everybody."
- Tupac Shakur
There are zero people in my life who are not white who have never encountered racism, or discrimination. We have all experienced racism and discrimination.
There are many white people in my life who have no idea what this is like.
To be followed the second you enter a store, to have a store clerk demand to search your bag before you leave…just because you ‘look’ suspicious.
Hate looks the same no matter the context.
It sucks the soul and buries what we can be into something alien, something ugly.
And it is cowardice. It’s pathetic.
It’s a loser’s game.
Hate hides from truth. From empathy. Truth is open. Truth beckons the curious to explore, to consider another angle, to admit when there is a wrong.
The opposite of Hate is not love; nor Empathy.
It’s curiosity.
To be curious, is to yearn to explore. To be curious is to retain childlike wonder.
To be curious enables awe, humility, gratitude, hope.
There’s no room for arrogance or judgment in curiosity.
Curiosity beckons that we extend a hand to a stranger, because we genuinely wonder who they are.
To heal the sins we hide, demands a curious mind,
To first ask,
What’s wrong?
And to mean it.